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Ofiary zaczynają mówić

Mam za sobą dziesiątki rozmów z ludźmi poranionymi, których dusze znajdują się w kawałkach. Każdy z nich jest ofiarą jakiegoś emocjonalnego monstrum (płci męskiej czy żeńskiej, w tej chwili to nieistotne).

Emocjonalnego wampira, który we francuskiej literaturze fachowej określany jest mianem „pervers narcissique. Taki pervers „żywi” się swoją ofiarą odbierając poczucie wartości, bezpieczeństwa,godność, choć zarazem nie odczuwa ani cierpienia ani wyrzutów sumienia tylko atakuje. Robią wszystko by być podziwianym, absorbuje otoczenie fantazjami o swej doskonałości, nieomylności i musi eksploatować innych ( trzy,mając się kurczowo wąskich ram felietonu nie wchodzę tym razem w problem głębiej).

Niechaj bliźni żyją, oddychają i robią cokolwiek tylko w służbie narcyza. Jeśli jest mężczyzną sprawia,że kobieta traci poczucie kobiecości, czuje się brzydka,niepotrzebna,\bezwartościowa -nie tylko czuje się,ale i staje się nikim. Jeśli „perwers” jest kobietą – „przeczołguje” mężczyznę tak,by siedział cicho pod stołem albo pod wanną. A nawet pod metaforycznym sedesem.

Z tym pojęciem spotkałam się po raz pierwszy we Francji, toteż polskie tłumaczenie ,,perwersyjny narcyz” nie oddaje w pełni zła, jakie niesie z sobą taka wypaczona postać. Jest uosobieniem wszystkiego co podłe, zmusza swoją ofiarę do milczenia, a jego strategia polega na gwałcie na psychice a następnie na wyniszczeniu drugiego człowieka.  Każda z tych opowieści, które usłyszałam jest tragedią samą w sobie, a ofiary wielokroć były czy są po wielokroć na granicy życia i śmierci.

Pierwszy raz czytałam rozprawę teoretyczną Marie -France Hirigoyen zatytułowaną ,,Molestowanie moralne” nie wierzyłam własnym oczom! Teraz jednak przemówiła rzeczywistość. I Autorka, moi okaleczeni psychicznie rozmówcy potwierdzają – jeśli im bardziej ofiara jest uległa i opiekuńcza z natury, tym bardziej narcystyczny jest „perwers” i jeszcze bardziej wyniszcza swą ofiarę przyjmując postawę „pozornej ofiary”, wmawiając osobie pokrzywdzonej, że to ona jest potworem emocjonalnym. Osobnicy perwersyjni zasłaniają się własną nieskazitelnością moralną, po czym potrafią swą ofiarę zaatakować znienacka – również fizycznie. „Pojęcie perwersyjności zakłada strategię polegającą na wykorzystaniu, a następnie zniszczeniu drugiego człowieka bez jakiegokolwiek poczucia winy” – pisała Mari-France Hirigoyen.

Trwałam w stanie osłupienia nie mogąc wyobrazić sobie, że takie zło osobowe może istnieć BEZKARNIE. Widać jego mózg pozbawiony jest obszaru dopowiedzianego za sumienie, a Sartre tylko raz powiedział coś błyskotliwego: ,,Piekło to inni”. I miał rację.

Marta Cywińska

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    „Piekło to inni” – na ziemie zgadzam się. Egoizm, kompleksy, brak pewności siebie, brak własnej wartości lub banalne prostackie pragnienie czynienia zła, czyni nasze życie piekłem dla innych lub odwrotnie. Gdzie ta harmonia między mężczyzną i kobietą, gdzie staropolski ideał małżeński czyli przyjaźń między małżonkami?

    • Małgosia

      12 lipca 2017 at 22:09

      Sartre był daleko od Boga, daleko od przykazania miłości bliźniego i daleko od tradycyjnego polskiego wychowania. Nie wiedział, że dziewczynka od małego mogła być uczona cierpliwości, wyrozumiałości, intuicyjności a chłopiec dzielności, waleczności, odpowiedzialności i opiekuńczości w stosunku do niej a oboje szacunku do siebie. Sęk w tym że,… mogła być…

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