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Syna powinien wychowywać ojciec a nie gra komputerowa

– Trzeba na piedestał postawić znowu ojca, który mógłby stać się mistrzem i mentorem dla swoich dzieci – mówi Maria Woźniak, psycholog z Fundacji „Życie”, która była gościem PRAWY.TV.

Anna Wiejak: Co Pani jako psycholog poradziłaby zrobić współczesnym mężczyznom?

Maria Woźniak: To może nie będą moje rady, tyko rady wyczytane u prof. Philip Zimbardo, który w 2012 r. wydał wspaniałe opracowanie pod tytułem „The Demise of Guys”, czyli tłumacząc roboczo, „upadek mężczyzn, upadek facetów”. Polski tytuł tego opracowania wydanego w 2015 r. jest trochę mniej katastroficzny i brzmi „Gdzie ci mężczyźni”.

Tak naprawdę podążając za tym co mówi prof. Zimbardo i za jego badaniami należałoby zrobić trzy rzeczy.

Podkreślić wieź z ojcem

Po pierwsze – podkreślić wieź z ojcem. Więź z matką jest więzią niereplikowalną. To ona nosi dziecko pod sercem przez 9 miesięcy, potem je karmi i niejako wyprzedza jego potrzeby bardzo empatycznie. Natomiast relacja z ojcem jest relacją warunkową. Tzn. miłość ojca jest warunkowa, trzeba na nią zasłużyć.

I to bardzo dobrze, ponieważ dziecko uczy się do ojca budowania relacji społecznych. To jest właśnie fantastyczne i to trzeba by było ojcom przypomnieć. Jeżeli ojciec jest obecny w domu w rodzinie, to wtedy zmniejszają się prawie o 54 proc. szanse na to, że dziecko będzie miało zaburzenia emocjonalne, zaburzenia zachowania i inne temu podobne. Te dzieci, gdzie w rodzinach jest ojciec mają lepsze wyniki w szkole, częściej uczestniczą w zajęciach pozalekcyjnych, rozwijają się lepiej.

Więc tak naprawdę trzeba by było na piedestał postawić znowu tego ojca, który mógłby stać się mistrzem dla swoich dzieci, mentorem. Jeżeli tego mentora nie ma w roli ojca, to trzeba go poszukać gdzie indziej. Tzn. szukać w harcerstwie i tam szukać młodych mężczyzn, którzy stają się wzorami dla młodego pokolenia. W harcerstwie, w skautingu, w drużynach sportowych, jako trenerzy. Żeby trenować mięśnie społeczne tych młodych chłopców przy okazji trenowania mięśni fizycznych. To jest jedna rzecz. Żebyśmy na nowo nauczyli się bycia mistrzami, żeby mężczyźni byli na tyle odważni by tymi mistrzami być.

Wyjść z gier komputerowych

Drugą rzeczą jest nacisnąć klawisz escape i wyjść z gier komputerowych, ponieważ młodzież tak jak wylicza prof. Zimbardo i takie badania podaje – jest w stanie spędzić tygodniowo 44 godziny na komputerze. Natomiast z ojcem spędza 30 minut. W związku z czym wychowa go gra komputerowa i zamknie go w czterech ścianach pokoju. Z tych pokojów, trzeba wyprowadzać tych młodych chłopców i wyganiać, bo nie tam jest ich miejsce, nie tam będą się realizować, nie tam będą aktywni społecznie.

Pornografia

Trzecią rzeczą o której warto wspomnieć jest pornografia, która tak naprawdę zubaża emocjonalnie chłopców i tak jak można zacytować za Gail Dines autorką „Pornoland. Jak skradziono naszą seksualność odbiera im rozwój zdrowej normalnej wyobraźni seksualnej, taką zwykłą ciekawość seksualną zastępując to obrazami epatującymi przemocą wobec kobiet, bo 90 proc. przekazu pornograficznego to jest niestety przemoc wobec kobiet.

A jak wygląda kondycja polskiej młodzieży? Czy są jakieś badana w jaki sposób ci chłopcy są przygotowani do roli męża i ojca? Czy oni są w ogóle w stanie w większości stworzyć prawidłowo funkcjonującą rodzinę?

Ale oczywiście, że są w stanie. Bo każdy chłopiec tak jak każda dziewczyna ma potencjał do bycia matką, tak każdy chłopiec ma potencjał do bycia wspaniałym chłopcem, tylko trzeba zrobić te trzy wspomniane powyżej rzeczy. Żeby mieli mentora, w którego mogą się wpatrzyć. Żeby nie było zamętnienia obrazu tego wzoru męskości. Z 15 tys. mężczyzn między 16, a 34 rokiem życia, którzy odpowiadali w ankiecie prof. Zimbardo aż 60 proc. odpowiadało, że problemem z motywacją do zmiany jest to, że wzorce męskości są dzisiaj niejasne. Że media podają inne wzorce, rodzina podaje inne, rówieśnicy podają inne. Gdybyśmy ujednolicili wzorzec prawdopodobnie byśmy mieli lepsze osiągi.

Rozmawiała Anna Wiejak


Maria WoźniakPsycholog szkolny. Ukończyła studia magisterskie na Wydziale Nauk o Wychowaniu Uniwersytetu Łódzkiego na kierunku Psychologia ze specjalnością psychologii zdrowia i klinicznej. Pierwsze praktyki zawodowe zdobywała w Szpitalu Psychiatrycznym im. dr J. Babińskiego w Łodzi. Ukończyła szkolenia: „Leczenie zaburzeń lękowych u dzieci i nastolatków – zastosowanie terapii poznawczo-behawioralnej w praktyce” oraz „Terapia poznawczo-behawioralna depresji”, „Terapia motywacyjna nastolatka”. W trakcie studiów zbierała doświadczenia trenerskie w roli coacha organizując i prowadząc szkolenia w Studenckim Biurze Karier „Profil”. Interesuje się arteterapią, obecnie zainteresowania te pogłębia na studiach podyplomowych we wrocławskiej filii Państwowej Wyższej Szkoły Teatralnej im. Ludwika Solskiego. Współpracuje z fundacją „Życie” w Łodzi, gdzie bezpłatnie udziela porad i wsparcia psychologicznego.

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